Beginnings

Start of a new semester, a new place, a new job, a new major, everything brand spanking new. I guess I hit the jackpot when I hit the reset button, because it's almost as if I don't recognize anything anymore. Things have significantly changed, I'm not going to whine about it, but it sure is scary.

A university that issues laptops---while the professors refuse to use of it in classes. Ironic huh? I've noticed that in all my blogs all I seem to do is complain, and after a while---I get sick of it, not to mention how scarring it is to my determination of optimism! (which has transformed slowly to realism--although sometimes I can't help but be fanciful >.>) Anyways about complaining---Im not. Im not complaining about the no laptop rules in class---actually Im quite relieved. I do notice that it's easier to go through life hidden behind a screen, and I think perhaps the teachers (those who don't do public speaking simply because they're scared or because-well to be honest whatever they have to say publicly---isn't worth the mountains of debt I'll be paying off for the next 10 years) don't mind it so much when they don't have numerous freshly upturned ready-to-learn student faces staring at them intently as if what they have to say is important. Well besides the mediocre of importance the grade will have on their GPA and from then on, choices of future employment. But oh how easy it is to be here, but not here. In fact, my sisters accuse me too much for it.

And I find they're right, sometimes it's better to have incomprehensible screaming voices and a awesome guitar solo skull fucking me than having to listen to the silence of my own thoughts. It keeps me from questioning things, and going over them with a fine tooth comb, trying to find motives to my actions. Trying to find a piece of my motivation---of whats makes what I do me--but what if, actions don't make the person? Do thoughts? I've heard that Buddha believes we are only observers of our thoughts---and that these thoughts don't make us who we are... deep I know but it leaves me quite confused. Perhaps now you understand why headphones are a constant necessity to my ears and sanity. :D

In fact I feel a headache...

Meh. To bed---let me tell you, something that has not yet changed is my laziness. Perhaps a good sleep will fix it. :3 heh.