Sex and Self Growth.

Sex and Self Growth---sheesh feels like I'm going through puberty again, but this time, hopefully there won't be much awkwardness. Let me explain myself, Lifespan Sexuality is one of the courses I'll be taking this semester. We will be talking about sexuality through the lifespan. >.>

And then I have a seminar for self growth. The teacher warns us it's not this big cry fest---but at the same time she wants discussion.... So Im a bit confused--is it, or is it not suppose to be personal?

But, Im excited about the sexuality class. Actually in all honestly I've had this teacher before, last semester---heh, I got an incomplete in his class (which basically means I screwed up royally both on my paper and participation, but more importantly on my paper--because I CAN do something about it--that's why it's important anyways he's giving me a year to re-write it. YAY! I have yet to start... >.> but Im excited to actually do the reading that I was suppose to do. Let's just say my last semester was... sad and pathetic and I learned a lot about what I don't like and I finally said a big "NOWAYJOSE" and bailed on a few people, but I am happier. Sorry for being selfish, but I don't care anymore, life is way too short to be miserable and insecure. >.>

Speaking of insecure---is it sad that I realize most loving relationships that I've thought I've had are egotistical reflections of love? You pet my ego and I do the same for you. Yep even the epic love I may have for my sister is egotistical, granted, I have real love for you my dearest noodle. :D But well common it's not like you're blind to my faults. Osho said I should love myself and by not choosing to, Im not choosing the in between Im choosing to hate myself. >.>

The media sucks. It gives you grand delusions of fairy tales and love, and even when you say you don't believe it, some tiny part of you still does. And the best thing---apparently this kind of love is all false.

My sister broke up with her boyfriend of 3.5 years. Reason? Because my culture forbids it. Because it's a taboo. Because to marry someone with the same last name as you is tantamount to incest, never mind that they're not related by blood--but cursed by some screwed up luck of having the same last name. Sure they're both consenting adults and they should have never dated when they realized that this relationship could go no where---but it's not like you plan to fall in love with each other. Meh I don't even have the right to rant about this, in fact I wasn't even going to rant about it....

Just, (okay Im going to rant about it) what kind of person says to another, "I won't be happy for you if you don't find someone better than me?" I mean it's like a line right out from a romance novel. (not the throbbing male member kind, but something that engages you more than flimsy scantily clad people, I mean the classier kind people! The kind that---even though you hate to admit it, engages your emotions as well as well other things...) And they could no longer be lovers---just friends, but there is a huge huge difference between lover and friend, she grieves him as if he were dead. Sure they could run away, in fact I think my parents wouldn't mind it, but parents... well Im sure you have one, what can I say, we crave their approval.

Hm, anyways I'll keep the blog updated with fun stuff I learn about relationships, and sexuality, and self. Now that I'm an Human Development and Family Studies Major---no longer a Pre-Ed.

I had a conversation with a girl, she too had recently switched from Pre-Ed to HDFS, and huh it was just interesting, she said she didn't want to just work with children, although, that seemed to be her focus. She wanted to coordinate/direct events for a town, her example was "for example, I'll look into the demographics of a town and see that they have ton's of kids then I'll schedule a program for the parents to bring their kids to it" and I couldn't help think, wow, Im sick of that already with the RA job I had recently, I mean, did I feel like I made a difference in my residents life? no... I need to feel like Im making a difference. I also realized just now, that I don't think I really listened to her. >.> I just thought about my issues. Huh. Good to know, awareness! Anyways, then she asked me what I wanted---I said I wanted to work with middle school students. Granted, they're awkward, crazy, mean, inappropriate, immature, and sometimes leave you speechless with the things they say, but my two last summer jobs, there were moments, where I felt like I was worthwhile, like my presence meant something, there were pre-teens who, have so much potential, and you see you and you want to nurture it, but what can I do? I'm just college student. (Of course that's no way to think) But I'm hoping this field will give me the skills to help. To change someone's life. Because I hate seeing something and feeling hopeless to change it. That or work with adults that have issues adjusting to society. Because---I guess honestly, I feel like I could easily become just like them. :/

oh my point about love? isn't it just wrong that these two people can't be together? Sad that in a relationship you dont need love? Or even if you have it--a relationship isn't guaranteed to work?

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to drown my sorrows in ice cream. My faith in love has been disenchanted.