Gimmie a R! argh. Things become so common you don't even think about it anymore.
The Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated.
What if you don't give a flying fig about yourself then wouldn't "Treat others the way they want to be treated" be more reasonable? But sometimes people aren't reasonable... >.>
What am I trying to spell. Respect, a common word, but one that I've barely examined. Oh sure, I've swallowed down the common terms and purged them back up, but I don't think I've really looked at it. K, ew, maybe that was a bad metaphor--but really you ever think about what respect "looks like"?
Because sad to realize, maybe I haven't been as respectful as I ought to have been. I don't mean that Im going to stop making quips about things that have no right to be in joke books---but just, maybe I have to be more aware of how I treat other people. Actually, it's not a maybe--I do. :D
Now lets make a list! (not comprised of society's common spit up)
Respect
It's consideration of the other person's feelings and boundaries.
It's being respe---dammit! (just wrong to use a the word to describe the word... =-=")
It's not forcing an issue when they become uncomfortable with it, or testing the boundaries, especially when you know their solid stance on it.
It's when you regard the other person as a person and not sometime to satisfy your own egoistical pleasures/etc. (yeah tmi? I repent for my sins) >.>
It's when you value the other person's thoughts, possessions, and feelings.
this is starting to smush together and sound alike.. >.>
But I think I've got it all, correct me if I'm wrong.
My god, have I been writing up a storm---I just can't sleep.
perhaps it was something I did earlier-yes I remember it, it's just too shameful to mention here. Or should I say, it was a disrespectful move on my part and that's why Im repenting. >.>
I apologize, I just wish you would read this and know it was you.
But I'm taking the easy way out... someone once said "if apologies were good enough, what would we need the police for?"
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sex and Self Growth.
Sex and Self Growth---sheesh feels like I'm going through puberty again, but this time, hopefully there won't be much awkwardness. Let me explain myself, Lifespan Sexuality is one of the courses I'll be taking this semester. We will be talking about sexuality through the lifespan. >.>
And then I have a seminar for self growth. The teacher warns us it's not this big cry fest---but at the same time she wants discussion.... So Im a bit confused--is it, or is it not suppose to be personal?
But, Im excited about the sexuality class. Actually in all honestly I've had this teacher before, last semester---heh, I got an incomplete in his class (which basically means I screwed up royally both on my paper and participation, but more importantly on my paper--because I CAN do something about it--that's why it's important anyways he's giving me a year to re-write it. YAY! I have yet to start... >.> but Im excited to actually do the reading that I was suppose to do. Let's just say my last semester was... sad and pathetic and I learned a lot about what I don't like and I finally said a big "NOWAYJOSE" and bailed on a few people, but I am happier. Sorry for being selfish, but I don't care anymore, life is way too short to be miserable and insecure. >.>
Speaking of insecure---is it sad that I realize most loving relationships that I've thought I've had are egotistical reflections of love? You pet my ego and I do the same for you. Yep even the epic love I may have for my sister is egotistical, granted, I have real love for you my dearest noodle. :D But well common it's not like you're blind to my faults. Osho said I should love myself and by not choosing to, Im not choosing the in between Im choosing to hate myself. >.>
The media sucks. It gives you grand delusions of fairy tales and love, and even when you say you don't believe it, some tiny part of you still does. And the best thing---apparently this kind of love is all false.
My sister broke up with her boyfriend of 3.5 years. Reason? Because my culture forbids it. Because it's a taboo. Because to marry someone with the same last name as you is tantamount to incest, never mind that they're not related by blood--but cursed by some screwed up luck of having the same last name. Sure they're both consenting adults and they should have never dated when they realized that this relationship could go no where---but it's not like you plan to fall in love with each other. Meh I don't even have the right to rant about this, in fact I wasn't even going to rant about it....
Just, (okay Im going to rant about it) what kind of person says to another, "I won't be happy for you if you don't find someone better than me?" I mean it's like a line right out from a romance novel. (not the throbbing male member kind, but something that engages you more than flimsy scantily clad people, I mean the classier kind people! The kind that---even though you hate to admit it, engages your emotions as well as well other things...) And they could no longer be lovers---just friends, but there is a huge huge difference between lover and friend, she grieves him as if he were dead. Sure they could run away, in fact I think my parents wouldn't mind it, but parents... well Im sure you have one, what can I say, we crave their approval.
Hm, anyways I'll keep the blog updated with fun stuff I learn about relationships, and sexuality, and self. Now that I'm an Human Development and Family Studies Major---no longer a Pre-Ed.
I had a conversation with a girl, she too had recently switched from Pre-Ed to HDFS, and huh it was just interesting, she said she didn't want to just work with children, although, that seemed to be her focus. She wanted to coordinate/direct events for a town, her example was "for example, I'll look into the demographics of a town and see that they have ton's of kids then I'll schedule a program for the parents to bring their kids to it" and I couldn't help think, wow, Im sick of that already with the RA job I had recently, I mean, did I feel like I made a difference in my residents life? no... I need to feel like Im making a difference. I also realized just now, that I don't think I really listened to her. >.> I just thought about my issues. Huh. Good to know, awareness! Anyways, then she asked me what I wanted---I said I wanted to work with middle school students. Granted, they're awkward, crazy, mean, inappropriate, immature, and sometimes leave you speechless with the things they say, but my two last summer jobs, there were moments, where I felt like I was worthwhile, like my presence meant something, there were pre-teens who, have so much potential, and you see you and you want to nurture it, but what can I do? I'm just college student. (Of course that's no way to think) But I'm hoping this field will give me the skills to help. To change someone's life. Because I hate seeing something and feeling hopeless to change it. That or work with adults that have issues adjusting to society. Because---I guess honestly, I feel like I could easily become just like them. :/
oh my point about love? isn't it just wrong that these two people can't be together? Sad that in a relationship you dont need love? Or even if you have it--a relationship isn't guaranteed to work?
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to drown my sorrows in ice cream. My faith in love has been disenchanted.
And then I have a seminar for self growth. The teacher warns us it's not this big cry fest---but at the same time she wants discussion.... So Im a bit confused--is it, or is it not suppose to be personal?
But, Im excited about the sexuality class. Actually in all honestly I've had this teacher before, last semester---heh, I got an incomplete in his class (which basically means I screwed up royally both on my paper and participation, but more importantly on my paper--because I CAN do something about it--that's why it's important anyways he's giving me a year to re-write it. YAY! I have yet to start... >.> but Im excited to actually do the reading that I was suppose to do. Let's just say my last semester was... sad and pathetic and I learned a lot about what I don't like and I finally said a big "NOWAYJOSE" and bailed on a few people, but I am happier. Sorry for being selfish, but I don't care anymore, life is way too short to be miserable and insecure. >.>
Speaking of insecure---is it sad that I realize most loving relationships that I've thought I've had are egotistical reflections of love? You pet my ego and I do the same for you. Yep even the epic love I may have for my sister is egotistical, granted, I have real love for you my dearest noodle. :D But well common it's not like you're blind to my faults. Osho said I should love myself and by not choosing to, Im not choosing the in between Im choosing to hate myself. >.>
The media sucks. It gives you grand delusions of fairy tales and love, and even when you say you don't believe it, some tiny part of you still does. And the best thing---apparently this kind of love is all false.
My sister broke up with her boyfriend of 3.5 years. Reason? Because my culture forbids it. Because it's a taboo. Because to marry someone with the same last name as you is tantamount to incest, never mind that they're not related by blood--but cursed by some screwed up luck of having the same last name. Sure they're both consenting adults and they should have never dated when they realized that this relationship could go no where---but it's not like you plan to fall in love with each other. Meh I don't even have the right to rant about this, in fact I wasn't even going to rant about it....
Just, (okay Im going to rant about it) what kind of person says to another, "I won't be happy for you if you don't find someone better than me?" I mean it's like a line right out from a romance novel. (not the throbbing male member kind, but something that engages you more than flimsy scantily clad people, I mean the classier kind people! The kind that---even though you hate to admit it, engages your emotions as well as well other things...) And they could no longer be lovers---just friends, but there is a huge huge difference between lover and friend, she grieves him as if he were dead. Sure they could run away, in fact I think my parents wouldn't mind it, but parents... well Im sure you have one, what can I say, we crave their approval.
Hm, anyways I'll keep the blog updated with fun stuff I learn about relationships, and sexuality, and self. Now that I'm an Human Development and Family Studies Major---no longer a Pre-Ed.
I had a conversation with a girl, she too had recently switched from Pre-Ed to HDFS, and huh it was just interesting, she said she didn't want to just work with children, although, that seemed to be her focus. She wanted to coordinate/direct events for a town, her example was "for example, I'll look into the demographics of a town and see that they have ton's of kids then I'll schedule a program for the parents to bring their kids to it" and I couldn't help think, wow, Im sick of that already with the RA job I had recently, I mean, did I feel like I made a difference in my residents life? no... I need to feel like Im making a difference. I also realized just now, that I don't think I really listened to her. >.> I just thought about my issues. Huh. Good to know, awareness! Anyways, then she asked me what I wanted---I said I wanted to work with middle school students. Granted, they're awkward, crazy, mean, inappropriate, immature, and sometimes leave you speechless with the things they say, but my two last summer jobs, there were moments, where I felt like I was worthwhile, like my presence meant something, there were pre-teens who, have so much potential, and you see you and you want to nurture it, but what can I do? I'm just college student. (Of course that's no way to think) But I'm hoping this field will give me the skills to help. To change someone's life. Because I hate seeing something and feeling hopeless to change it. That or work with adults that have issues adjusting to society. Because---I guess honestly, I feel like I could easily become just like them. :/
oh my point about love? isn't it just wrong that these two people can't be together? Sad that in a relationship you dont need love? Or even if you have it--a relationship isn't guaranteed to work?
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to drown my sorrows in ice cream. My faith in love has been disenchanted.
Beginnings
Start of a new semester, a new place, a new job, a new major, everything brand spanking new. I guess I hit the jackpot when I hit the reset button, because it's almost as if I don't recognize anything anymore. Things have significantly changed, I'm not going to whine about it, but it sure is scary.
A university that issues laptops---while the professors refuse to use of it in classes. Ironic huh? I've noticed that in all my blogs all I seem to do is complain, and after a while---I get sick of it, not to mention how scarring it is to my determination of optimism! (which has transformed slowly to realism--although sometimes I can't help but be fanciful >.>) Anyways about complaining---Im not. Im not complaining about the no laptop rules in class---actually Im quite relieved. I do notice that it's easier to go through life hidden behind a screen, and I think perhaps the teachers (those who don't do public speaking simply because they're scared or because-well to be honest whatever they have to say publicly---isn't worth the mountains of debt I'll be paying off for the next 10 years) don't mind it so much when they don't have numerous freshly upturned ready-to-learn student faces staring at them intently as if what they have to say is important. Well besides the mediocre of importance the grade will have on their GPA and from then on, choices of future employment. But oh how easy it is to be here, but not here. In fact, my sisters accuse me too much for it.
And I find they're right, sometimes it's better to have incomprehensible screaming voices and a awesome guitar solo skull fucking me than having to listen to the silence of my own thoughts. It keeps me from questioning things, and going over them with a fine tooth comb, trying to find motives to my actions. Trying to find a piece of my motivation---of whats makes what I do me--but what if, actions don't make the person? Do thoughts? I've heard that Buddha believes we are only observers of our thoughts---and that these thoughts don't make us who we are... deep I know but it leaves me quite confused. Perhaps now you understand why headphones are a constant necessity to my ears and sanity. :D
In fact I feel a headache...
Meh. To bed---let me tell you, something that has not yet changed is my laziness. Perhaps a good sleep will fix it. :3 heh.
A university that issues laptops---while the professors refuse to use of it in classes. Ironic huh? I've noticed that in all my blogs all I seem to do is complain, and after a while---I get sick of it, not to mention how scarring it is to my determination of optimism! (which has transformed slowly to realism--although sometimes I can't help but be fanciful >.>) Anyways about complaining---Im not. Im not complaining about the no laptop rules in class---actually Im quite relieved. I do notice that it's easier to go through life hidden behind a screen, and I think perhaps the teachers (those who don't do public speaking simply because they're scared or because-well to be honest whatever they have to say publicly---isn't worth the mountains of debt I'll be paying off for the next 10 years) don't mind it so much when they don't have numerous freshly upturned ready-to-learn student faces staring at them intently as if what they have to say is important. Well besides the mediocre of importance the grade will have on their GPA and from then on, choices of future employment. But oh how easy it is to be here, but not here. In fact, my sisters accuse me too much for it.
And I find they're right, sometimes it's better to have incomprehensible screaming voices and a awesome guitar solo skull fucking me than having to listen to the silence of my own thoughts. It keeps me from questioning things, and going over them with a fine tooth comb, trying to find motives to my actions. Trying to find a piece of my motivation---of whats makes what I do me--but what if, actions don't make the person? Do thoughts? I've heard that Buddha believes we are only observers of our thoughts---and that these thoughts don't make us who we are... deep I know but it leaves me quite confused. Perhaps now you understand why headphones are a constant necessity to my ears and sanity. :D
In fact I feel a headache...
Meh. To bed---let me tell you, something that has not yet changed is my laziness. Perhaps a good sleep will fix it. :3 heh.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)