feeling off

Today I'm feeling a bit off. I just learned yesterday that one of my professors was bugged by how I acted in class. I wasn't looking at the screen-we were learning about powerpoint posters. She was curious about how I could learn. Apparently she said something about "it might help if you looked that the screen." And my other friend had heard it looked at me and I looked happy. Like some innocent fool. I feel so fucking naive.

I had become comfortable being myself around these people and now I just want to hide away from them. Logically I understand that she was upset that day because she was trying to show us her plan for how she organized things and it didn't quite work. She had been getting pretty upset.. and actually took control of the folder (from a coworker) to look for the day. It didn't quite work out. I mean I know she was upset, but she managed to upset me now, by letting me know she was upset with me that day. I was looking at the powerpoint, and at the same time writing information and maybe looking for pictures to contribute towards my powerpoint. But I was paying attention. It's just how I am.

It makes me wonder and hesitate in my actions, what do people think about me if I did this?

It makes me sad, and angry that I've lost that attitude,the one where I don't care what people are thinking about me. Mostly though I think I'm angry I didn't want to face this thought that people might not have exactly positive thoughts towards me. I just stopped thinking about what others thought of me. Anyways gotta go meet with her now.

love

I know you love me, and I know I love you but sometimes I'm not sure if I know what love is. I know I love being with you, you make me happy and sometimes that's all that I can ask for but sometimes I wish out love was passionate, I wish I could drown myself in your love and count my blessings on the way down. Your love would be the vast sky, if I ever doubted you all I would have to do is to look up. Our love would pour right into me, like a huge waterfall filling me to the brim so that if you were even taken away from me, life would no longer have a purpose. I would just dry up and happily die to be with you.

Ah... how sad Twilight makes us all. That, my dears is the danger of twilight, the oh so tempting belief that you need someone else to love you this much to give value to who you are. Why is it it that we are never enough for ourselves? Why must we seek others to validate us? Is it a simply biological need?