Ramblings on my Research

So.... excited I just got my book yesterday! Yay. lol I think I sat there for a good twenty minutes just hugging (and admittedly somewhat rubbing) it against my chest... and squealing. Then I promptly sent a very excited email to the author, who has PhD.....I just hope it wasn't too.......puppyish.

Then I read and read and I just got done with it today. It was a fascinating read but I realize my mind tends to wonder if there's not a story to tell. D:

SO...... yeah just got done reading. Bowman's book examines role playing games through studying the benefits of role playing, problem solving, identity and typologies of role players. What I wanted to do was to emphasize the importance of play for adults and present my information to support the idea of play. I was going to take the perspective of play because I felt that it integrated: role play, pretend play, physical play and word play (story telling?). I was going to talk about the benefits of play, e.g. role playing helps people practice emotions/actions/behaviors, they learn about their world in a safe environment, etc.

Gender was suppose to help me examine it from, roles, I think I want to examine how people construct their gender and the comfort and safety of constructing a masculine or feminine role without misconceptions or judgments or consequences to their real self, because everyone understands this is just a game, this is just fake it's not real. But at the same time it has real life consequences and benefits.

I wanted to examine it from---

I think I have been satisfied by Bowman's book. :3 I think I wanted to write about the benefits of role playing and fight against the stigma people had against larpers, now that she has addressed it very eloquently in her book I no longer feel like saving the world. :D haha.

So I think I will examine it from the subculture of larping now... (break) I just took a break to talked to Ruben about this...

and this is what I got, in the aspect of play

gender roles that you play allow you to explore gender roles....
why adults need play motivations and
self construction how play influences that...

and now I have to read more about subcultures and what the really means to be a subculture.

Now about the SCA, it's questionable to try to define it as a larping... so I have to figure out what "gaming" really is.

Now those are my thoughts I'm going to go to work now...

Rough Draft of Click

Click

I’m gonna draw you sweetling
Gonna put you down so you’ll never change
Tie and hold this instance with my pen
Like a red balloon on a summer fence

When there’s too many dawns
Sunsets too, when you lose that childish wonder
Sky turned blue
When you don’t need me anymore
Living lives we never planned
Far away in places we only dreamed
When memories don’t cling like they used to
When tears no longer mean the same
Only a call away but
time weathered our hard won courage

A thousand worth in words
An image filled with mirth
Even when we’ve left this earth
Hold that mona lisa smile

WAI!

So much to do. Hear me whine. But anyways just wanted to make a note that ever since I've stopped meditating I've noticed I'm more easily distracted. I have this ever growing list of "housework"/todos, but it's just getting bigger and bigger. meanwhile my butt has been getting smaller and smaller. yay. :3 I think it is at least, my pants are not so tight on me. The weight scale lies! It says I've gained 2 pounds back but I feel lighter. You know what? Fuck the weight scale. I'm never gonna believe it.

Btw I realized I like the burn of my sides when I've been running. I went with 3 others to the gym recently and it felt so good to run. It's not like I'm going for miles or minutes. But at least every 10 minutes I try to make an effort to run 2 minutes. I went yesterday for 50 minutes so I had 10 minutes (at least) of me running. Sweetness.

And as I was running I was thinking.....if you're going to work hard, you better start to yearn for the pain!

YEAH IT HURTS SO GOOD... yum. Maybe all this weather is driving me INSANE! no wonder why they call that workout regiment insanity. You have to be not sane to want to hurt that much and keep coming back. Muahahah I am so witty. lol. jk. >.> k tear me to shreds dearest sisters. <3

rain rain rain...

The rain here in Texas is confusing... one moment it's sprinkling (Oh this is fine, I like this) and the next you're drenched (eyes red like demon fire).

It's almost like the emotional states I've been through... happy and content and then lonely and well, alone.

I should have been used to it by now, if there's any lesson I took from my tumultuous teen years, it was that-we are born alone, and die alone.

Right now it just feels like... being single hurt less than this. That's the risk of relationships--emotionally ties. Even being single--there was the option of seeking out others, now that I'm in a relationship--seeking out others is a betrayal.

ugh... perhaps tonight is a perfect night to watch a weepy drama.